Narcissism
In studies, the use of violence and the threat of it have been especially linked to narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissistic person is a person who has harmful traits of narcissism. A narcissist projects everything negative outside themselves and usually onto someone close to them. Studies have shown that most of the perpetrators of family murder are narcissists, and most pathological prolongers of custody disputes are narcissists. Narcissists also take advantage of authorities and especially the court.
Victims of narcissists often recognise the narcissist from the descriptions they read. A narcissist's victim's perception of themself and their own possibilities can be completely shattered. They may experience great loneliness after withdrawing from social relationships over time. The victim may doubt their own sanity after being constantly questioned and gaslighted.
Please be aware that the following descriptions are only intended to aid understanding and are not suitable for diagnosis.
The following characteristics can be seen in the behaviour of a narcissist: impulsivity, unpredictability, arrogance, a sense of superiority, putting oneself first, and no ability to empathise or put oneself in another's position. Narcissists have been found to have a tendency towards addictions, especially sex addiction and the need for stimulation.
Narcissism can be explicitly seen in social relationships and, in addition to an intimate relationship, a child-parent relationship, a sibling relationship, a relationship with a friend, a former partner or, for example, a co-worker.
A narcissist can succeed in working life and appear very polite, pleasant and friendly - even "too good to be true". Often, narcissists are seen as courageous achievers; they can advance in their careers to high political positions or company management positions.
It is important to talk about harmful behaviour (e.g. manipulation, pathological lying and, at the same time, suspicion when the other person questions their actions and truth, emotional coldness, being above laws and rules, subjugation, destruction, and pursuing power) so that it is revealed and the person who experienced it is heard. That way, the experience and the resulting suffering get explanations and words. Many victims are relieved to know that the perpetrator is narcissistic.
A relationship with a narcissistic person involves intimate partner violence, which is very explosive and, at worst, a relationship containing serious danger (family loss).
The narcissist is constantly playing some kind of game in relation to the partner, and the partner may feel like he or she is like a pawn in a game that he or she is not even playing. It is exhausting, unfair, energy-consuming and demanding.
A loved one of a narcissist often gives up things that are important to them in an effort to maintain peace and balance, even if it doesn't necessarily work.
A narcissist is cleverly disguised, so it's hard to recognise at first. The narcissists' victims say that everything was like a fairy tale at first, which is one red flag you should react to. It's good to listen to your own intuition.
Time, getting to know each other, conversations held together, conflicts arising from those, and commitment bring out narcissistic traits. After commitment, the victim is already trapped, and from the narcissist's point of view, there is no need to conquer the victim anymore.
When a narcissist is hurt, everything can be absurdly "upside down". It can be difficult to understand what is going on. A narcissist can blame their victim for the strangest things. Breaking up with a narcissist is a risky time.
The victim of a narcissist is usually kind, gentle and considerate of others who only want good things for others. That's why they "match" with a narcissist who needs a self-esteem boost.
Victims of narcissists often try to fulfill the narcissist's demands in order to avoid worse - although it doesn't always work. A victim of a narcissist may have codependency.
From acknowledgement to recovery
Not all perpetrators of violence are narcissists, but usually, a human relationship with a narcissist involves violence. It is very important to search for support when dealing with a narcissist because it affects mental health and coping in daily life. It might be difficult to clearly hear one's thoughts and reality in such a confusing relationship. Everyone has a right to get help in hard life situations.
When you recognise and acknowledge your victimhood, you can start to recover. It is also important to talk about narcissism because it is possible to take a clear position that one should never hurt another person under any circumstances, for any reason, in any way.
