If you want to detach
It is not easy to end a relationship. Actually, it can be really hard, and support from outside could help. There may be good sides to your relationship, and it could be difficult to give them up. Breaking up, separation or divorce can also be scary in many ways.
If you are considering breaking up from a violent relationship, it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being. If you need support, talk to professionals about how to plan to leave safely.
Every situation is unique, and safety should be the top priority. Tailor your approach based on your circumstances and seek professional help to navigate the breakup process safely and effectively.
Plan the breakup carefully, choosing a safe time and place. If possible, have support individuals or authorities present during the leaving to ensure your safety.
Keep your plans confidential. Avoid discussing them in the presence of the abusive partner or in places where you could be overheard. Seek private and safe means of communication.
If possible, start building financial independence by saving money or seeking employment. Consider opening a separate bank account and gathering important documents. Plan well in advance how you can get a new apartment.
The safety plan ensures your well-being during and after the breakup. It may involve securing a safe place to stay, informing trusted individuals about your situation, and having a plan in case of an emergency.
Put your passport and important documents in a safe place where your partner can't find them.
Change all your passwords so that the abuser has no access to your email or bank account.
Reach out to helplines; contact details are on the Helplines & chats page. Professionals can provide guidance, support, and resources to help you through the process.
Reach out to trusted friends and family who can offer emotional support and assistance during the breakup process. Inform them about your situation and develop a plan for staying connected and safe.
Gather and secure any evidence of the abuse, including photographs, messages, or witness statements. This documentation can be important for legal purposes or for obtaining protective orders.
Seek therapy or counselling to heal from the trauma and develop coping mechanisms. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being.
Consult with a lawyer experienced in domestic violence cases to understand your legal rights, options, and any potential implications of the breakup. You can find support from Rikosuhripäivystys (RIKU).
With the help of the authorities, make detailed agreements on matters relating to children and divorce. If you have children in common and have left them in secret, let the perpetrator know that you all are safe. Trust in child protection.
Do not allow your ex-partner into your home under any circumstances. Explore the option of obtaining a restraining order or protection order from the court to prohibit the abusive partner from contacting or approaching you legally.