Tips for dealing with a narcissist

When dealing with a narcissist, it is good to have a support person with you to help you in difficult situations. Making notes about situations and events for your support is also a good idea.

When you have to make agreements with a narcissist, for example, about children, make the agreement as precisely detailed as possible. Have a witness sign the agreement to have no room for interpretation or to further agree between the guardians. Include, e.g. vacations, public holidays with times, places to store clothes and goods, decisions regarding purchases, hobbies, school, daycare, health care, and essential documents such as a passport.

Joint custody requires cooperation, which can be impossible with a narcissist. Stick to the agreement yourself, and don't be flexible about the agreement, as it might become a never-ending one. It might be good to set up a separate e-mail for communicating about children's issues, which you check, for example, once a week. Communicate this openly and stick to your decision firmly.

Limits must be set for a narcissist. You should treat a narcissist like a child and not expect anything. You can't change anyone, and you just have to accept it. Hold back in your own truth and if you have children, always put their best first.

A narcissist may blame their victim for exactly what they are and does. This is their built-in way of projecting everything negative in themselves outside of themselves.

That's why taking notes, having a checklist made for yourself, having straightforward practices, and accepting all the support available can help you to hold on to what's true and what's not.

It is good to take your own feelings into account. They give a lot of important information, and even intuition can warn of a narcissist.

Violence is not accepted in any form or in any situation.

Do not provoke, and do not be provoked. Be tough and take it easy. Imagine that you are a gentle kindergarten worker guiding a tantruming child, if such an image helps.

Do not show your emotions, empathy or aggression. Keep the conversation short, the sentences simple, and stay to the point.

In difficult situations, tell them that you will only talk when the other person has calmed down and don't explain why (which leads to going around in circles). End the meeting or phone call if this doesn't work. You can also clearly state what you do not allow, for example, shouting, cursing or berating.

Stick to your decision.