Therapy is the work of the mind. The subconscious mind also works when you are not in therapy. Although therapy is useful, especially after experiences of violence, it can also be hard. For this reason, it would be good if your life situation had already stabilized somewhat when you started therapy and you had the resources to deal with difficult issues. On the other hand, therapy can also bring resources in the long term and increase your sense of self-worth, which helps to improve your own life situation.
When you have decided to seek therapy, you must first know how to choose a therapy approach that suits you and your situation and find the right therapist. You can visit therapy for introductory visits. According to research, the most influential thing in therapy is the interaction between the therapist and the client. It is more important than the approach of the therapy itself. That is why it is worth investing money and time in this phase. With the right therapist, you feel that it is safe to tell them about your thoughts and feelings, that you will be heard and accepted. The therapist will never decide things for you or judge you. It is important that the therapist has training or experience in the topic you are seeking therapy for. If you are dealing with experiences of violence, make sure that the therapist has expertise in the topic.
- **Solution-focused therapy**focuses on the client's strengths, resources and coping mechanisms, as well as on creating a desired future. Together with the client, it seeks out the methods that will help them.
- **Cognitive therapy**focuses on the connection between the client's feelings, thoughts and behavior and on identifying and working through harmful thoughts. Solution-focused and cognitive therapy both strive together to achieve a set goal.
- **Trauma therapy**focuses on dealing with traumatic experiences gradually, in a controlled and safe way. Shocking events are worked through so that they no longer control them. Trauma therapy may use physical methods, such as EMDR (eye movement) or seek ways to calm the body and find stability.
- **Psychodynamic therapy**focuses on the past; childhood, adolescence and relationships. The aim is to find explanations and understand current behavior or feelings and thereby influence them. Psychodynamic therapy is usually long term.
- **Couples therapy**examines the interaction of a relationship, for example in arguments, setbacks or communication, and in couples therapy, the partners work together towards a common goal. In couples therapy, both partners must have a common understanding of, for example, violence and their own responsibility in the relationship.***With a narcissist or when violence is ongoing, couples therapy is not useful.***
Once you have found a suitable therapist and therapy approach, you do not need to prepare for the therapy session itself. Of course, you can think about what the goal of the therapy would be and what issues you think are important to address. Openness is crucial, because the therapist cannot help with things that they does not know about. It is also important to be open about the relationship with the therapist. If something does not feel right, it is worth saying so.
Emotions can surface during a therapy session, so it is worth planning the appointment timing carefully. It is not a good idea to arrange any important negotiations after the session. You may feel tired after the session, so a calm rest of the day may be necessary. Sometimes writing a diary can help alongside therapy, and if it may be difficult to talk about your feelings at first, notes can be useful. Some therapy approaches also use homework.
If you have any questions about the therapy, you can always ask the therapist – even in advance.