The cycle of domestic violence refers to a recurring pattern of abusive behaviour within intimate relationships - tension building, incident and reconciliation. It is a complex and dangerous cycle that usually begins with a slow build-up of tension, followed by an abusive incident and a period of calming and possibly even reconciliation.
Violence rarely occurs just once. Rather, violence tends to recur and worsen over time. At the beginning of a relationship, there is often no physical violence, and violence occurs less frequently; instead, there are often more emotionally and psychologically stressful incidents that lead to tension and discomfort.
As the relationship progresses, the level and frequency of violence increases, perhaps taking on new forms and becoming a pattern. This pattern is known as a cycle. The violence may never become physical, but this cycle can still be found in daily life.
Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviour or action within an intimate relationship in which one person attempts to gain and maintain power and control over another to harm, intimidate, manipulate, or exploit this person physically, emotionally or sexually and make themselves feel superior.
Domestic violence is not the same as a dispute between two parties who are trying to resolve differences of opinion or conflicts or negotiate decisions.
The avoidance or adaptation strategies are varied but do not prevent the subsequent outbreak of violence.
Survivors often describe the assault as a loss of control because they had no influence on what happened and when.
Some perpetrators are shocked by their actions but also try to play down and legitimise the crime in front of themselves and the one who is the subject of violence.
Those experiencing the violence are never to blame - the perpetrators are responsible for their violent behaviour.
The cycle continues step by step. Over time, steps 5 to 7 may be completely absent or reduced. That is when one lives in constant fear of violence. For many, the first explosion point is when they break free from a relationship, but not always.
This cycle often continues unless effective interventions are implemented to break the pattern. Understanding the dynamics of the cycle of domestic violence is crucial in order to support and empower survivors, as well as to develop effective strategies for prevention and intervention.
Take the first step by sharing with somebody trusted
Telling a friend, relative or professional about the violence usually helps. The cycle could not be described if it had happened to only one person, so if you are experiencing this, you are not alone.
It is normal that there are also loving phases in a relationship where there is domestic violence. However, it is good to remember that violent phases never belong in a healthy relationship.
After your partner uses violence, those loving phases might feel extremely good, but it does not justify the violence. If the cycle of violence reminds you of something that occurs in your relationship, don't hesitate to contact support services, e.g.NollalinjaorRIKU. You find more contact details onthe Contact details -page.
Perpetrators also need help!
It may well be that the perpetrator doesn’t have the tools and the courage to get help. However, preventing violence can only be influenced by seeking help. A person using violence must recognise the behaviour as harmful, understand the consequences and that they are responsible for it. This and the will to change can lead to an end to violent behaviour.